Moms on Drugs?

For the past couple of years I've been hearing a lot about psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and I just haven't been interested. I grew up with parents who had substance abuse and addiction problems. As a child I was a frequent witness and sometimes a helper on drug runs, overseeing the safety of alcohol-induced parental black outs and cleaning up after all night wild adult parties. I struggled my way into adolescence with no appetite for any of that. Intoxicated people scared me. I understood why people like to get stoned and drunk, to loosen inhibitions and to get (temporary) symptom relief. But even back then, I believed you had to be honest about reality to be healthy and whole, and sobriety felt like a critically important component of the health I desired. Escaping or numbing? No thank you. So when it came to all the conversation about psychedelics and mental health treatment, I closed my ears. Not interested. Not for me, not for my clients. Plus, I work with moms. And how many moms out there would even consider taking psychedelics as a path to...healing?

But when a long term client of mine, a single mom who had been deeply depressed in an unremitting way for several months, shared some suicidal ideation with me (not for the first time) a wild thought crept into my mind. What about ketamine? It's legal. And I keep hearing about people getting immediate relief from it. I tentatively proposed the idea to my client and she was surprisingly receptive, having reached the end of her rope. We did some quick research and found a ketamine infusion center in her general area and made arrangements for her to receive an infusion later that same week.

When I checked in with my client the day after her infusion, it was like night and day. I saw the old her again. She had been restored to her former spacious, relaxed perspective, where she could see her child with a sense of humor and feel affection for her kid's quirks that had been driving her mad just the day before. She had energy again and wanted to hang pictures on the naked walls that had been neglected since she'd moved into her new house a couple months before. She smiled and there was light in her eyes. She reported feeling a huge sense of relief. The change was so dramatic I had tears in my eyes just beholding her in her liberated state. What a gift this was. But how long would it last? And what exactly had transpired to make this massive, wonderful shift in her brain?

Over the next couple of weeks, my client completed a few more infusions at the center. Her balanced mood continued to hold several months out. She still felt her familiar difficult feelings - because her life was still really difficult. Her kid was challenging. She was the only parent. But she was able to bring so much more compassionate Self-energy to her experience, creating a sense of companioning herself through the hard moments of her days. She was empowered to make good choices and didn't feel hopeless.

What the hell?

I started listening to podcasts on the subject, and enrolled in a training for psychedelic assisted therapy. Soon after, I took a leap and signed up for my first KAP (ketamine-assisted-psychotherapy) session as a client, with my own therapist. I was going through some very challenging transitions in my life and recognized that more guidance, more support, or even just a shift in perspective would be welcome. My therapist introduced me to Journey Clinical, where I booked an appointment with a prescriber and was evaluated for KAP eligibility. Sometime soon I'll share more details from my journey(s), but the point I want to make today is...

Ketamine helped me. A lot.

As I've continued to process and integrate my journeys with KAP, I've come to feel really excited and hopeful about sharing this option with other moms. Nobody's keen on the idea of drugs and moms/moms and drugs. There's stigma. There's fear. And I get it! I wasn't an easy sell myself. But I've learned through studying, and more importantly, through experience, that KAP can open internal doors that seemed completely locked and barred shut. And yes, those newly open doors can make way for some of your more firmly exiled, less welcome feelings and memories to come through. I discovered that when ketamine unlocks psychic doors, along with allowing in big feelings, there can also be a rush of powerfully delightful energy that sweeps you up and carries you somewhere entirely new, without you needing to do anything. It just pulls you into the larger body of energy and life, that perhaps you've never quite felt a part of before and it gives you a visceral reminder (or is it foreshadowing?) of your true belonging. And that's a feeling you bring with you out into your "real" life, after the journey ends.

Plus there's a bunch of medicinally impactful biological magic that happens, outside of your awareness, in the prefrontal cortex, seemingly separate from the emotional, psychedelic aspect of the journey. Talking about it, piecing it together, considering and reconsidering your KAP experience with someone patient and insightful continues to evolve you and heal you and impact you.

I know. It's a big deal.

And when I think about moms and drugs now, specifically ketamine since it's what I know best, I think about:

• Postpartum moms who are feeling depressed and anxious and so unlike their old selves. What a gift it would be for those moms to feel restored to hope in this way.

• Moms of challenging littles who never get an unadulterated moment to be with themselves. What a gift it would be to touch into feeling spacious, relaxed and creative.

• Moms of big kids who feel disliked, taken for granted, forgotten, exhausted. What a gift it would be to glimpse your sensual, vital center again and fall in love with your own existence, even just a little.

• Moms who are emptynesters who are feeling a little lost or rudderless. What a gift it would be to locate your own spark, see some vibrant colors come alive in your own field of vision, just for you.

• Moms who are grieving and need to be held and rocked. What a gift it would be to have a space where you get swept up by something larger than yourself and remember connection in a deeper, all-encompassing way.

• Moms with trauma histories who can so easily get triggered and activated into feeling unsafe. What a gift it would be to visit a land where you learn how safety feels.

KAP is a powerful tool. Moms have so little to work with, thanks to patriarchy and primary parenting and perfectionism - and we can use every tool available to us as we continue to do the most important job on earth. If you think KAP might be a good tool for you, please reach out to me or contact Journey Clinical to get more information.